Mommy and Daddy cant fix everything...

Since she was born Everly has had a very difficult keeping her food down. She was always spitting up. There very first night was terrifying for Jason and I, we could hear her gagging and were constantly helping her. We did call the nurse to double check everything was okay. We were told its normal and that if she does choke we were shown what to do. We both already knew what to do as we've both had some form of first aid training at some point. 

Apparently there is such a thing as "happy spitters" where a child will be spitting up, but there are still thriving. Which means they are gaining weight, not choking, not got liquid in their lungs from spitting up/vomiting, and are not projectile vomiting. All around they are still happy babies. 

Everly is a very happy baby, but something just felt wrong to me. After every time she ate she was spitting up large amounts of what she had just taken in, sometimes she would not vomit until hours later. She often arched her back and would be grumpy if you went to burp her or touch her tummy. I was terrified to drive with her by myself because she often spat up or vomited when in her car seat. We always have had one of us sit in the back with her since day one. We ended up taking her back to the hospital New Years Eve because she was bringing up so much again and again. We were there for hours waiting to see a doctor, when we finally did we were told not to worry, nothing is wrong. However the pediatrician requested I see her again at her own office with Everly the next week. That appointment the pediatrician said Everly was doing well because she was gaining weight.

Sure she is, she likes to eat, but she also has lots come back out. When your daughter is choking because its coming out her mouth and nose, I'm sorry but that is not fine. My Mommy radar was going off, my daughter was not okay. At night I could hear her gagging and spitting up. Countless times I was getting up to check on her, and to help her. 

Everly is fed both breast milk and formula. I simply do not make enough for her so we have had to supplement with formula. With Everly being partially bottle fed we have a collection of different bottles, thankfully most were either given to us as gifts or we had received them for free from Nestle or other companies. The pediatrician from the hospital suggested another formula for us to use, Nestle Good Start, it has helped a little but Everly still struggles. She has also been getting infant probiotics to try and help her more. 

We ended up switching bottles after a lot of late night research to Dr Browns. Its a bottle that is supposed to help with colic, spitting up, gas, and burping. We did notice a difference when switching to these, however she was still having problems.

There is a check list of things to try before seeing a Doctor about what is going on with your munchkin. We had gotten to the point where we were at the bottom of that list and wishing there was more to try. 

Last week after another round of crying from seeing my daughter choking and my gut telling me something was wrong I booked a Doctors appointment for her. Yesterday was our appointment. The doctor was running a bit behind, Everly had eaten before we left our house about an hour or so earlier. I had already mentioned to the Doctor at Everly's first visit a month earlier that this was something I was concerned about. Almost on cue with the Doctor asking to see her she vomited. Everly has now been put on a very small dose of medicine to try and help her reflux. She has to take it twice a day. We are just starting with trying it for a month to see if it makes a difference. Everly hates the taste of the stuff. We're praying it helps her. Its heart breaking to see your little one in pain and know that Mommy and Daddy cannot fix it.

When your little one does as the onesie says, especially when its an explosive diaper there is one thing a cloth diapering parent really should have. A diaper sprayer. We just got one that works in our washroom yesterday and it has already been put to good use.

We are currently using the Aquaus Diaper Sprayer, also called a mini shower. Without it we were not having a great time cleaning these sorts of diapers. Now it only takes a few seconds to clean before they go in the wet bag til laundry day. Its also very helpful if you need to hose down your kid... just kidding! Its cold water that comes out of those, don't do that!

The really great news is that Tender Tushies is bring this diaper sprayer into their stock, so if you are looking for one you can get this one for a great price through them. We tried one other brand before this one, and had issues with it leaking. This one we have had no issues. It feels much more sturdy and built better than the one we used before this. I highly recommend this brand if you are looking for one.

Tender Tushies vs. Kawaii

I said I would compare the two brands of newborn cloth diapers we are using, and we already have a preference. 

Tender Tushies is the company who we were informed about when we went to the diaper party. We did not purchase any new born diapers until about a month before the due date. We were also lucky to borrow a bunch of Tender Tushies - Tini Tushies from a friend who had a little one two months before us and he was now fitting into the regular sized ones. These diapers are for sizes 5lbs to 12lbs. This is the awesome part of cloth diapers, you can buy used and borrow from friends if you want to. Helps make it more cost effective again.

Kawaii Baby Diapers called pure and natural are the other brand we have been using and they are for 0 to 15 months or 6lbs to 22lbs.

Right away there is a huge difference in the sizes of the diapers. We jokingly call Everly our little sumo baby when she wears the Kawaii diapers because they are quiet bigger compared to the Tender Tushies. The girl looks like a mini sumo wrestler in them. Sadly you cannot tell so much in the photo of her wearing one of them. You can see that we have the diaper snapped to the smallest setting for the rise, and the velcro is pulled almost to the smallest setting. 

Tini Tishies is made for new borns specifically. They fit much more snug. Which is great for Everly because she had tiny little legs when she first started wearing them. We were also able to fold the front of the diaper down and snap it so it would stay for the first little while, this was important because of her little belly button stump that needed to fall off still. These are also an all in one diaper, which means no stuffing them after every wash with liners and pulling them apart before washing them. Just chuck the whole diaper into the wash. Makes laundry much easier for me. We had one leak with these, but it was most likely from human error at 3am when we were zombies and didn't notice we had not put the diaper on correctly. This could happen with a cloth diaper or a disposable. Oh well!

The Kawaii diapers are pocket diapers. They came with two inserts each. I was lucky and got a great deal on these, they were put up for sale in a cloth diaper group on Facebook. Brand new, never been used. I went for them because of the price and to try something else. With being a pocket diaper they are much bulkier on my little girl. Everly has been sleeping a bit longer during the night and I have found that these ones will hold more during the night when she sleeps that little bit longer. The one thing I do not like about these diapers is the velcro. Velcro wears out really quickly, and when doing laundry if you dont remember to fold the tabs over they stick to everything else in the drier which can be really frustrating. We had to wait for her to have her belly button stub fall off before we could put her in these ones there was no way to fold the diaper down low enough so it would not agitate the belly button stub. The one nice thing about the velcro is when Everly is in a major wiggly mood I can get her changed much quicker with the velcro, but the snaps on the diaper really only take a second or two longer.

There is a price difference between the two diapers. Kawaiis run around $6.25 per diaper, and Tini Tushies are $10 per diaper. The one is much more expensive (no that is not the most expensive cloth diaper I have seen available out there) but you can see a huge quality difference in the material of the two diapers. I am postive the Kawaii diapers will break down much faster than the Tini Tushies. The material is much nicer with the Tini Tushies.

My favourite right now are the Tini Tushies, they are just so cute on my little one which is a nice bonus. I really like that they are not super bulky under her clothing, and they are also a nice size for packing in the diaper bag. The Kawaii I can use longer with Everly because they are a much bigger diaper, but they sure look funny under her clothing and I am not a big fan of the quality of material. 

Why would we pick cloth diapers?

Back in August of 2012 Jason and I were invited to a cloth diaper party. Yup, it's exactly what you think. Its a party to see all about cloth diapers and get to know a companies product, very much like Tupperware and candle parties. Friends of ours had started trying out cloth diapers on their little guy (see the little man in the right of the photo) the month before and were really happy with the diapers they had been using from Tender Tushies. 

This was good timing for us as we had been talking about our options, cloth verses disposable, and wondering what direction we wanted to go with our little one. By this time we were 5 months along and still had lots of time to decide what we wanted to do before our baby arrived. By the end of the Tender Tushies party we agreed that cloth diapering was the direction we wanted to go. We bought some that night to start our stash and it has grown since then.

The drawer in Everly's change table is full of cloth diapers. On the left side are the regular sizes for babies 9lbs -35lbs. And on the right are the newborn diapers. There are actually two brands of newborn diapers that I have (I'll do a review on the two another time). Newborns are roughly 5lbs - 12lbs. 

We did use disposable diapers on Everly for the first week and a bit. We received some for free from Huggies and Pampers, and we did buy two packs ourselves. I found myself annoyed during this short time at the fact that I was sending money into the garbage each time we used one, it felt like such a waste. With how much we spent on disposables in that short time I could have bought a couple more cloth diapers. However, my biggest issue with disposables is the fact that Everly ended up with a wicked diaper rash when she was only just a few days old. (We aren't sure if this was from just the disposable or the diaper cream we had been using, my guess right now is both.She has very sensitive skin, and seems to have the same sort of allergies her mom does, so I had to take her to the Doctor to get medicated butt cream. We used this cream on her until the rash healed and it was into cloth diapers for her and we have not seen a rash since!)

Some of the reasons why we decided to go with cloth diapers are:

• On average it costs $2500(ish) to use disposable diapers until your child is two years old... OUCH! That is a trip, car insurance, and many other things right there.

• Getting enough cloth diapers to last you not just one child, but through two or more will cost you $200. That's it! Though many will spend more because new patterns and colours come out, and diaper get improved upon. (Did you know there are massive cloth diaper groups who have members looking to buy used cloth diapers? So long as your cloth diapers are still in good shape you could sell them if you want to when you are done with them.)

• Disposable diapers contain a bunch of chemical junk in them, this is a likely source for Everly's brutal diaper rash.

• Diaper explosions .. we've had a few "blow outs" with Everly in the disposables, the cloth diapers seem to contain them a whole lot better and we don't have to hose down our kid because of the mess.
• No, cloth diapering does not have to involve folding fabric and using safety pins. If this was the case I would be doomed because I would most likely stab myself or my daughter with the safety pins and that is a risk I am not willing to take. The cleaning process also does not require a nasty bucket with them soaking in disgusting water til laundry day. The whole process of cloth diapering has totally improved.

• All of the cloth diapers we have from Tender Tushies are made with snaps, good luck to my munchkin in trying to get them open on her own! If she did get one open, then I have a kid with super baby strength and possibly have a super hero on my hands. 

• Cloth diapers don't leave your kid smelling like a stink bomb, but since it is harder to smell you do have to be proactive about checking your kid for when they need a diaper change.

• Did I mention how cute the patterns are, and how bright the colours are on the solid colour ones? This is just an added bonus that they look great compared to plain disposables. 

Awesome baby item...

  We are a one vehicle family. When Jason has to work at the office in Vancouver he kindly (begrudgingly) takes public transit to and from work, while I've been able to drive to my work. Two years ago Jason and I bought a little Volkwagen Rabbit. This vehicle is now destined to a future of messes and smells that we will never be able to get rid of. But this is not the awesome baby item...

  Diono Baby View Mirror

It looks absolutely ridiculous I think, but it does the job I need it to do. On a couple of occasions when Everly was first born I had to drive with her and Jason was not able to come with me, so no one was sitting in the back seat with her. Everly has some really bad reflux issues and driving alone with her really worried me because I could not see her. Most mirrors that are made for cars so you can see baby hang off the head rest in the middle, we do not have one in our car because it does not like to move when it is installed, so there is no adjusting it to the height you need.

This mirror however can be attached to any head rest and it can be tilted to the angle you need so that you can see you little one! This has brought me a whole lot of peace of mind while driving. I can see Everly when she is having her little freak outs because she hates being in the car seat at first and eventually settles down , I can see her peaceful face when sleeping, and I can see when she has attempted to redecorate the back seat with spit up. 

The only thing I wish I could improve on for this mirror, is that it be nice for it to be a magnifying mirror so that it enlarged the view and I could see her face a bit bigger.

Miscarriage: The little one we will always remember

January 20, 2012. Friday night, I'd gone to watch Jason play hockey. Something just was not feeling right, I'd started to have what felt like cramps. I waited til the end of the game to tell Jason what was going on, we decided to go to the hospital to have everything checked. It was the most agonizing process checking in and having to wait to see a doctor for hours.

January 21, 2012.During the wait I had blood drawn, my heart rate was checked, and many other standard procedures. Jason walked to Tim Horton's to get us some food, it was about 5am now and we were both hungry. We got to eat our early morning breakfast before seeing the doctor finally.

The doctor proceeded to do an ultrasound on a portable machine. I was quickly told that he could not see the baby's heart clear enough so he would schedule an urgent ultrasound on the other machines at the hospital, but I'd have to wait for a phone call to tell me when to come in. We were sent home, now concerned more than before for our little one.

I waited on the couch for the phone call. Jason had gone out when the call came and he had to come home to pick me up and we rushed back out to the hospital. Again we went through the process of my being poked and prodded for standard procedures, before I was sent finally for the ultrasounds. The technician did not say anything, which is normal they do not tend to talk a whole lot.

More waiting, this time waiting for the doctor to come and talk to us.

The doctor you saw earlier could not see a heart beat, and we now cannot find the fetus, the doctor said.

Fetus... that word will always seem so harsh to me. That was our baby, we'd heard a beating heart earlier in my pregnancy, that wonderful sound was no longer there.

We left the hospital devastated. I had not stopped crying since the words came out of the doctors mouth. Jason joined me when we got to the car and called my family to let them know we had lost the baby. We went to a friends house where they prayed with us.

I spent a week at home either curled up in bed, or huddled under a blanket on the couch. I cried, and I cried some more. Jason was a huge source of strength for me during this time. Many didn't know what to say to us, there is nothing to say. I am so thankful for those who did reach out to us. We felt loved and supported during this heart breaking time.

It was hard for me for about a month and a half to be around babies and children. I felt such a strong hole in my heart when I saw them that I would start sobbing instantly. Eventually I was able to be around them again, I was able to hold my friends 5 month old and not feel resentment because I would no longer be holding my little one in the months to come.

We still have pain that lingers with us from the miscarriage. Not a day goes by that we do not think about our little one that should have been with us. People may no longer see the pain that still lingers, but it is still there, though it may have faded a bit over time. It is a permanent pain that will always be there. We will always remember the little one we lost around January 21, 2012.

It was after our loss that others shared with us that it had happened to them too. I'd never heard anyone really talk about it before. I am so thankful they did. With their honesty and openness to us, Jason and I decided we would not be silent about what happened we would share our story with others. We weren't alone, others understood what we were going through. However, so few are willing to talk about miscarriage. There are so many emotions that come with a miscarriage, feelings of isolation and doubt, questioning if you did something wrong.

If you have been through a miscarriage I want you to know that it was not your fault, and that you are not alone. Talk about it, be open and honest, it will help the healing process. If you need someone to share with, to talk to, or simply to cry with please do not hesitate to contact me. This happens to so many of us, we lose those little heartbeats, little lives that were only meant to be with us for a short time.

New to this...

I've never attempted to blog, yet a lone ever try to keep a journal, so this is all new to me. With being on maternity leave for a year and having family and friends near and far who want to know what is going on I figure this is a good way to keep everyone informed.

Jason and I recently welcomed a 3rd member to our family. Our daughter Everly joined us on December 28th. Its already been a very interesting adventure as a family of 3. We're trying to figure things out without seeing our house explode from all of the chaos of this learning curve.

I'm hoping to post about everything from my family, to whats going on in our lives, to random things we love.

Now if only I was better at spell checking and all things English related...

- Tamara